H.G. Wells says, “What on earth would man do with himself if something didn’t stand in the way?” Think of all we could accomplish if we didn’t encounter obstacles in the pursuit of our dreams. We humans are creative — gifted in so many ways — to the benefit of self, benefit of others, benefit of the planet. And yet, in direct opposition to those gifts are a plethora of obstacles. Sometimes it is our own best intentions that oppose us. Sometimes the world itself seems to be ordered in such a way as to thwart our every effort. Perhaps it is as basic as physical science: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Whatever the reason, the question becomes, Why? I have an idea.
Life is not easy. Life is a push, pull, advance, retreat, assert, reassess. Life is designed to be pushed against — to strengthen us, to help us develop our character and tap into our own resourcefulness. We have dreams, goals, vision, and purpose. It is in living out the dreams and goals that we find our personal power. The goal itself is of little consequence if taken out of the context of who we become in the process of attaining it.
If creating a designed life were easy, everyone would have one. The truth is that having the life we want is both incredibly easy and incredibly difficult. It is easy if we are willing to do whatever it takes. Simple. One thing to do. The ‘whatever it takes’ is the tricky part. What is your ‘whatever it takes’? For many it is a life-long quest to develop missing aspects of ourselves – our assertive parts, our gentle parts, our ability to say no, our ability to ask for help. These traits we are born with but somehow lose along the way.
Then we partner. And neither of us have all the parts we need to function in an adult relationship, which means being miserable or divorcing. Ugh. What a choice.
Or… we can get serious about finding and developing those lost aspects. If done soon enough, and with outside help, a relationship can be saved. Even if the relationship is gone you can still save yourself. When you avail yourself to what I call the rock tumbler of life, the grinding and rubbing and polishing will smooth your sharp edges and reveal your character. The result is a gem of a life. It is our willingness to stick with it, to be polished, to see our cracks and strengthen them that brings us to full functioning… or at least closer.
We have an alternative. (See if you’ve had thoughts like this about your marriage.) And that is to live by default, settling for what we are handed, wishing and dreaming for more, overwhelmed and afraid to try something different. After considering this alternative, jumping in and creating the life you want may not be such a difficult choice.
To ponder what we might do if nothing stood in our way is an awesome thought, but life isn’t so ordered. Life does get in the way–on purpose. It is our privilege to find our way through it and become our best selves along the way.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Great analogy, Eric. Thank you. I always thought of a valley as a place of plenty and rest… but maybe that’s the problem.
.
I’m a geology buff, myself
Thanks, Jeannine. As a geologist, I appreciate your rocky perspective, and I’d like to add another one. I think life, especially a good life, is a case of unstable equilibrium. Stable equilbrium can be thought of as a ball in a valley – push it up the hillside, and it will roll back – and stagnate. A good life and a good relationship are like a ball on top of a hill, where the view is good and there is freedow to roll (grow) in many directions. If one is sleepwalking, it is easy to let your ball roll into the stagnation of a adjoining valley. The key is to stay awake and aware, countering negative pushes with positive movement, much like a tight rope walker.
Lost gems, yes! Here’s to finding all that we need for polish and shine! You’ve come a long way. It’s so nice to see you feeling like a diamond… I think we’re all in the rough
.
Jeannine,
As always, you are right on the mark and I LOVED this month’s blog! Being in the 3rd year after a final and legal divorce that I initiated, I can relate to the fear and now the wonder of feeling like a diamond in the rough! Although I did really expect this process to be much smoother than it actually has been and continues to be, I bring on the possibility of a new stone in myself and of discovering long lost gems in me that I want to polish and shine!
Thank you for your insight!
Laura